PARENTING CHALLENGES

Parents can have good relationships with their teenagers even as the teens are pulling away and seeking autonomy. Most teenagers want to have a different but a better relationship with their parents. To build good relationships and make these relationships work we have to take some effort.
First of all we should change the nature of the dialogue we have with our kids. Too much of the dialogue between parents and teenagers is negatively toned. If we continue talk down our kids, command and lecture, they more that likely rebel. If we relate to them as young adults, however and speak to them with more respect, they will be more likely to act and respond in an adult manner.

When you talk to your friends most likely you discuss your day, what's happening at work, what you just read in the news paper, or the latest sports or entertainment news or you might share a bit of joke. That's the way adults talk. We should let teens participate in that kind of dialogue. It will help to equip our kids with interpersonal skills, and we will begin to build a relationship that is less adult - to - child and more adult - to - adult. Such relationships can develop into true friendships. We should talk across, not down, to our teens. We must avoid the familiar phrases. "How many times do I have to tell you?" You should know better than that". Look at me i am talking to you". I am no asking you, I am telling you!".

The next point is that we should learn to listen to teenagers. An important part of healthy dialogue, of course, is to listen - the key to good communication. Most parents have difficulty listening to their teenage children. And most teenagers list this complaint against parents. "They never listen to us".

Teenagers, however need someone to listen. Unfortunately, many parents have grown used to paying little attention to what their children had to say. Listening takes patience, especially when we know where a comment or a question heads. Instead of thinking of our response while the teenager is talking or, interrupting with a quick answer, we need to focus on the individual and take seriously what he or she is saying.

Listening has rightly been called "the language of love". It's how a person shows that he or she is loved and appreciated, taken seriously and respected. Every person wants to be treated with respect, to be understood, to know what his or her feelings and desires account to. Teenagers are no different. They have a great desire to be treated with respect. If we take teenagers seriously and treat them with great dignity and respect, they in turn will give you full power and authority over them.

The third point is that we should take time to be with our kids. These days, much has been made of the importance of "quality time". Simply stated, parents should try to make every moment count with their children. Certainly there is some truth in this, and it is an important emphasis. Just being in the same house, or even in the same room with the child doesn't mean that a parent s is spending time with that child. Unfortunately, many parents are so pre-occupied, paying bills, watching TV, reading the paper, or working on a project that they hardly notice their kids. These parents should insist spending time with their children, but its merely quantity, no quality.

We can also spend concentrated amount of time with each teen. Go out to lunch or dinner on a weekly basis, taking kids along occasionally on business trips, spending a day or week end shipping or doing activity together. Sometimes we have to be creative. Once a father arranged a train trip with his son, just the two of them, visiting places, cycling, horse riding, staying in hotels, eating our and having fun together. According to teenager "It changed everything between my dad and me we have great relationship".
Here's little extra incentive for working on our relationships with our teenagers. The relationships we establish with our teenagers today will serve as a foundation for the relationship we will have with them for the rest of our lives. .

Do you want to be friends with your adult children - to have good relationship with them when they are on their own? It's the sad truth that millions of adult children continue to have strained relationships with their parents, simply because that's all they experienced during their teen years. There's no better time than now to begin developing that new kind of bond that will continue forever.